i don’t do resolutions

Ok this may be too much but: I replied to a witchy friend earlier today that while I’m not one for resolutions or proclamations or whatever but I do think there is going to be some serious magic this year. How that manifests is anyone’s guess. We may all die! Or maybe the last few years have pushed all to some sort of collective spiritual cataclysm that poops out something more cooperative and nurturing and sustainable.

Or it may just be same shit, different year!

I’m with you. Like, I’m feeling hopeful and cautiously optimistic this year, which is rarity for someone like me who errs on the side of caution at all times. It’s time to let some magic, sunshine, and rainbows into our lives.

Fuck yeah! Like also the outcome of the magic doesn’t negate that the magic happened. It doesn’t take away the sunshine & rainbows that we experience in the process. So, yes, let’s be a little cautiously optimistic (totally feel you). But ALSO fully allowing ourselves to be ecstatic and immersed in the process.

Sigmar Polke, Untitled, 2003
Sigmar Polke, Untitled, 2003

just the other day I had the joy of experiencing this divination. perhaps some sort of sign. but, again, i don’t believe in such things.

Corner store

He skipped the line
A woman ordering a sandwich. what type of bread
Indecisive but also confused
The clerk already holding a pack of cigarettes to him
He replied 2 with his stained fingers

The clerk fired up the money machine
as he spoke to someone else invisible
In a foreign land Perhaps
just on the other side of town

The clerk returns to the girl
Ready to now give her attention
Sourdough

cursory

i recently proclaimed that i don’t possess attention to detail. this is both true and not. there was a rebuke (of me). it was referring to specific job functions that i don’t excel at. that i loathe. that i don’t do and then get caught. then spiral into a pit of pity and self-flagellation.

(this is where i am most comfortable.)

my statement of detail attentiveness — my rebuke of it — was specifically referring to data entry. it was less specifically referring to my life as someone who sees macro before micro. the forest before the trees. the long game versus the immediate. the reactive. the oft short sighted. but back to data entry. i hate it. and in this day in age it’s mostly redundant. there are zaps and apis and all other automations to get tings to work together on their own. but some people like double work. or resist change. or resist payment for change. or just flat out like double work. is this chaos? does it invite chaos in? does it make room for it like a dinner guest you’ve only met once before?

real talk: what matters for me — and therefore matters the most — in this meandering thought is not the work that is being asked. the work i refuse to do. the work that i am putting off even though i know it will need to be done and when i am forced to do it, it will be harder. what matters is my resistance. that is chaos. waiting to see how far i can go, how many people i can upset, how much anxiety i can accumulate before being forced to do “it” under an overwhelming veil of guilt.

for what it’s worth: i can possess great attention to detail. i’m just very selective of the details i attend to.