i recently proclaimed that i don’t possess attention to detail. this is both true and not. there was a rebuke (of me). it was referring to specific job functions that i don’t excel at. that i loathe. that i don’t do and then get caught. then spiral into a pit of pity and self-flagellation.
(this is where i am most comfortable.)
my statement of detail attentiveness — my rebuke of it — was specifically referring to data entry. it was less specifically referring to my life as someone who sees macro before micro. the forest before the trees. the long game versus the immediate. the reactive. the oft short sighted. but back to data entry. i hate it. and in this day in age it’s mostly redundant. there are zaps and apis and all other automations to get tings to work together on their own. but some people like double work. or resist change. or resist payment for change. or just flat out like double work. is this chaos? does it invite chaos in? does it make room for it like a dinner guest you’ve only met once before?
real talk: what matters for me — and therefore matters the most — in this meandering thought is not the work that is being asked. the work i refuse to do. the work that i am putting off even though i know it will need to be done and when i am forced to do it, it will be harder. what matters is my resistance. that is chaos. waiting to see how far i can go, how many people i can upset, how much anxiety i can accumulate before being forced to do “it” under an overwhelming veil of guilt.
for what it’s worth: i can possess great attention to detail. i’m just very selective of the details i attend to.
